Remember when I said deployment wasn't too bad so far? Well, that was because I was able to chat with Kyle online most days. Yesterday was Kyle's last day with internet (well I got to chat with him a little bit earlier this morning. He keeps surprisingly having internet a little bit longer than expected, but I think it is finally kaput), with little knowledge of whether it will ever come back, whether he'll be able to call or contact me in any other reliable way. It puts me a bit into a panic. It wouldn't be so bad if there was reliable post back and forth; we've done that before (three months of basic and AIT, and that time he worked in the Adirondacks for the summer). I love letter writing! However, for my birthday all I asked for from him was a letter, which he sent in good time before my birthday (good husband), but it still has yet to arrive in my mailbox (bad postal service). Sooo... not sure if we will have communication at all, at least from him to me. I panic because obviously I will miss him so (so so so much. already.), but also communication is kind of essential for planning and figuring things out, especially when I need to know if he's coming back much earlier than expected so I know if I need to plan on moving to Texas earlier than planned. ...Which means I would need to find someone to sublet the apartment, leave my job, probably put wedding planning on the fast track because planning from TX for a PA wedding is not ideal, and figure out where we will live in Texas? Voi voi*. So, the panic. And the sad. Mostly for him, a little for me. I know we've been spoiled with this deployment so far, but it's still deployment. I know they say not to worry about things you can't control and don't know, but a) who are they kidding? and b) living in a constant state of things you can't control and the unknown (that is, living the military life) really gets to you after a year. Maybe it won't be as bad as it could be, though, and we will have some communication? No way to know... Stay safe, husband. I sure do love you.
illustration by Mike Lowery
* Finnish expression. Kind of like "oh dear/sigh" but not exactly. I use it a lot, mostly in my head. "voi" also means butter. "leipä" means bread. "omena" means apple. "appelsiini" means orange. I could keep going...
- Mrs. M
Sarah, you give me so much hope. I love your endless optimism. In a situation like this, it would be so easy to just break down and lose it but you constantly search for the good in everything. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, they are really good for me, too. <3
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