Reenlistment Ceremony

On Wednesday, Kyle re-signed his life away to the Army for another two years. So, yes folks, that means we'll be in Texas until at least April 2015. It also means we will likely experience a long separation starting sometime this summer. There was a cute little ceremony and nice words were said about Kyle; I also got an appreciation award (well, Sarah T. McPhearson did), and awkwardly took pictures while the soldiers were doing their soldier thing. Kyle perfectly planned his reenlistment so that he'd have basically a five day weekend (since you get the rest of the day and the next day off when you reenlist, and he already had Friday off). Smart guy, my soldier. 

After getting our names on the papers fixed, we celebrated with lunch at Mooyah, a burger place Kyle recently discovered and wanted to take me to.

- From the desk of Mrs. M

Date Weekend

Kyle and I last minute got a spot to go on a free military marriage retreat last Friday through Sunday; I had class until 5pm on Friday and the program started at 4, 2.5 hours away, but they said it was OK if we came late. I had never heard of Great Wolf Lodge and didn't really know what to expect, so I was pleasantly surprised when we drove up to hear their own theme song playing outside, and giant wolves welcoming us. This place was pretty amazing, especially for a couple of Northerners living in Texas, who wouldn't expect to see anything moose and forest-themed anywhere near here. We didn't go in the water park at all, but enjoyed the atmosphere and amenities. It was a really nice weekend; the marriage training part was fine, and we had more free time than expected. I doubt Kyle and I would come to such a place ourselves, and spend close to $200 a night, but it would be really fun with kiddos I imagine. The room keys were wristbands (to not be lost in the water park, and I had no sound issues at night. 

lego version of the resort!

awesome as it would be if the wine was waiting for us when we arrived, I brought it from home :)

oh, and there is a Starbucks at the lodge!

Saturday night Kyle and I went to dinner at Rainforest Cafe, which was crazy. I would have loved this place as a kid, though it was pretty fun as an adult and being able to drink their delicious drinks. I do have to question the research that was put into rainforest wildlife in planning this establishment, but I forgive them their inaccuracies. :)

While I did work on homework when we had some down time (Kyle was napping so it was OK), it was the perfect opportunity to get away, before the semester really got going. We got home Sunday early afternoon, and continued date weekend by going to see Silver Linings Playbook (which finally came out here!); I loved it and I think Kyle enjoyed it too. It was a good weekend with my love.

- From the desk of Mrs. M

A Year at Home

Every relationship has its important dates. The day you started dating (April 16,2008  around 1am), the day you got engaged (December 21, 2010 around 1 am...this is the first time I noticed that. I can assure you it was not planned on his part!), the day you get married (March 7, 2011, a Monday morning), and then if you're as cool weird as us, the day you had your wedding party (June 15, 2012, 4pm). For those of us in the military, we also have other days. Days when our soldiers get back from deployment (and days when we have to say goodbye, but those are not the fun dates I'm talking about). Sometimes we don't know what day a redeployment will be until a day or two before. But these are also special days. I was lucky enough to get my husband back right before Christmas last year (December 18, 2011, around 3am). Why do I have a sneaking suspicion our kids will be born in the wee hours of the night? ;)

This year is the longest we've lived in the same town since high school (graduation 2006). I've more than once found myself saying or thinking, "so this is what it feels like," to have a "normal" relationship. Even if our normal includes a constant threat of another deployment, I'd take a normal day with my husband over an extraordinary day with anyone else, any time.*

Check out the video I took last year of Kyle's redeployment ceremony. Or don't. It's mostly shouting and marching and flag waving.

- Mrs. M

*Maybe unless that means a normal day is driving for 12+ hours with unhappy cats for a couple days. Never again!

Mandatory Fun

Yesterday was another mandatory "fun" Army day, where this time we went to Stillhouse Hollow lake (where Kyle and I went camping) and had a bbq. The thing with mandatory fun as the Army does it is that most people do not have that much fun because they would rather be somewhere else, and you have to sit around until you are released at 4pm, while everyone complains and talks about how they do not like the Army. And sometimes they play volleyball. I asked if anybody likes being in the Army, and it seems you only might like it if you are at Sergeant rank or higher. Maybe. I certainly do not understand why the Army works the way it does, why it seems so so much time is wasted instead of, you know, effectively training and preparing our soldiers before sending them off to war. There is such a lack of organization and communication, and it is frustrating for everyone involved. On the other side, it is a reliable job. Anyway, here's some pictures from the scenery at the lake. 

 Kyle is quite talented at skipping rocks. 

S. 

What I Learned From Deployment

Just a few things about my experience...

For me, the goodbye was not the hard part (it was the awkward, wait, is this the last time we can chat, for reals this time? because they said that last time, part); the hard part was driving away from him. After years of bus rides, car trips and flights to go see Kyle, seeing him off and having him go somewhere I couldn't visit was gut wrenching. I felt so lost walking back to the car, so alone in the big state of Texas. Driving away from him at such a time was so unnatural, but that's all I could do. And then I drove for two days by myself to get back to Pennsylvania. And, seven months later, drove back down to meet him.


I am ok on my own. I don't prefer it that way at all, but what a valuable thing to know about yourself. 


Keep busy, but slow down every once in a while. Keeping busy doesn't fill the gap or adequately make up for anything, but it helps to gloss over the fact that a gap is there, and keeps your mind in a productive state rather than a destructive one. 

Pets are really your best friends. I highly recommend them. 

Cooking for one is not super inspired. Lots of frozen vegetables, yogurt, and being really glad that you eat at work where you cook for a bunch of others. 

There is a lot that you have to do on your own, which sucks when you're figuring it out, driving hundreds of miles on your own, finding a house by yourself, but it forces you to learn essential life skills that you only get from living them, so keep that in mind. You will be a great asset to yourself and your family. 

Take advantage of the time to yourself. Focus on self improvement. Do something you might not normally do. Add something to your routine. Find a new hobby. There will probably be times in the future when all you want is a day or an afternoon to yourself, so take advantage of your alone time now. You will probably feel you should be thinking of him at all times, and you will be, but work some time in there to think about you, too. 

Don't put your life on hold. The most simple and least "heavy" example I have of this is with your tv shows. There were a couple that I didn't watch, saving to watch later with Kyle because it would be more fun together, or simply because "if he can't then I shouldn't" (which is not the way to think. more on that next).  But go ahead and watch your shows. Meet new people, celebrate holidays and the passing of seasons. Don't waste the year. Save things to do with him, certainly, but save a particular recipe to make later with him, don't give up eating altogether (for an extreme example. You get the idea. I didn't stop eating or anything). 

This leads me to my next point:
Dont torture yourself. This took awhile for me to figure out, and the guilt started the day he left. I checked into a nice (not shady. name brand. well lit. fake eggs for breakfast dealio) hotel for the night, cried and cried and cried, and felt bad, guilty because, where would Kyle be sleeping for the next several months to a year? Not a nice hotel. Not a comfy bed with 18 pillows. I was certainly in the mentality that for all the unpleasantries and tough times Kyle was surely experiencing, I should have some misery too. Kyle doesn't get to hang out with friends, I shouldn't get to see friends. I shouldn't have down time. Pretty sure there's no real down time when you're at war. I should work work work and no play (I like work, so that's OK for me, but we all need at least a little fun and relaxation). I shouldn't complain (thats a big one); I mean, he's at war in the desert, stuck in close quarters with a bunch of dudes and their smelly farts (tmi?). Yes, his circumstances are not ideal, but it is true when they say a whole family experiences deployment, suffers through it. You're hurting enough, worried enough, going without enough as it is. Don't feel you need to restrict yourself further. Intentional or not, self-pain and withholding is not a healthy coping mechanism. Treat yourself well, because it is your deployment too, and you need to come out of it healthy and well, just as you need your soldier to.

He really loves me. I don't believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it may make you both more inclined to let the other know just how fond you are of them.


I really mostly dislike any of those military deployment encouraging images floating around Pinterest and internet land. I don't like that they give off a sense of superiority. You're not superior because you love someone and they love you and they have a tough job that keeps you apart sometimes. You're lucky. Just not my thing, but I know everyone handles a situation differently and finds comfort and meaning in different places. I am proud of my husband; I loved him before the military and I will love him after. I will never disparage someone else just because their significant other is not in the military. That makes no sense to me, and it's simply not cool. Sure, I think my husband is the best around; every wife should think that. 

this is what I mean. not cool. 

Write your story down on paper. This is actually something I did when Kyle was at basic and AIT training, not deployment, but it was incredibly therapeutic. You can run through your memories from the beginning, often thinking of times you haven't though about in a long time. It will bring a smile to your face, possibly a tear to your eye, but certainly warmth to your heart.


Let yourself be angry. At him. At life. Don't always suppress it. Don't let resentment build. If you're angry, just be angry. You know you agreed to this, that you married him, that this was going to happen, that you love him and wouldn't give him up to save yourself a few painful months or years, to have a different life. So let yourself be angry, and then you won't be anymore. It's all good. 

To be everyday thankful for the person you are sharing your life with. When they're back, to not nag too much (but nag you really sometimes must, because how else is all that Army crap going to get picked up and put away?). To smile. To know you can probably make it through anything, because you made it through being so very far apart, together. 

Don't expect being together to be all roses and sunshine, just because you are back together. It is wonderful, and you certainly don't take it for granted, but being together presents a whole other slew of challenges. Frustrations will come up in any relationship, no matter who or where you are (though the military really brings frustration to a whole new level and consistency, I am certain). It's not being together that makes a relationship work, it's working together.

S.