My Last Semester of Grad School Starts Today

- S

Another Year

This year I...

I learned that every month, every day can be a struggle for me. Happiness, real, genuine, internally-driven happiness, has not come naturally to me for many years now, and I struggle to find and cultivate it. Some days are better than others of course, some days are very dark. On average, on a scale of 1 :( to 10 :) I'd say I'm a 4.

I learned that there is so much that we think but do not say. I voice probably 30 to 40 percent of my thoughts and feelings, even to the people I am closest to. We are like icebergs, aren't we. I think this is probably both good and bad, and what makes social work so difficult sometimes.

I learned a lot about hunger in America, and policy, and community organizing, and federal benefits, and social work. I became comfortable leading groups and holding individual therapy sessions with kiddos and adults at the mental health hospital I worked at. I attended a couple conferences and I still love to learn.

I learned what it takes to start to love a place- a town, a city, a state, a region. This summer gave me the perfect opportunity for this. I finally had some time to get to know Waco a bit, and when you learn a place though exploring its faults and challenges and thinking of ways to improve upon them, the love comes so readily and unexpectedly. It also helps when you get to a point where you don't need a GPS to drive anywhere/everywhere.

I learned that friendship can be found in unexpected places from unexpected persons. And it doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

I learned that it is much easier to act on caring for others than yourself.

I remembered that I need the outdoor air.

I decided to be tougher. I found being warm to be both the easiest thing and the most difficult thing at times.

I got to lead often.

I learned that to believe what others tell me about myself, I have to first believe it for myself.

I learned that I need more people in my life than only my husband (and that's OK).

I realized that Snapchat is actually awesome and not stupid and pointless like I thought when I was first introduced to it.

I learned (in theory) how to kill a chicken from my Kenyan friend.

I got to take trips to Boston (twice) and DC and remembered how much I love travel and that I should try to do more of it. Also my love and appreciation for metro systems in big cities was solidified.

I drove many many miles.

I learned that not all small dogs are yippy and annoying.

I still have issues with my hair.

- S

Color Me Rad

I did my first 5K on Saturday, the Color Me Rad run in Waco! It was a lot of fun! My friends Brittany, Melody and I had the first wave at 9am, and we were the first right at the start, too! We didn't stay there, but that's not what matters anyway. The course had nice scenery though the path had some mud detours and branches, but we made it! I think they should have had more color stops and music along the way, too. But, it was a good time and a great way to kick off the weekend. When Melody and I were running toward the finish line, a herd(?) of deer lept across the path, so that was a fun end to our run. I put my old iphone 4s in a plastic bag, so the pictures are not superb, but I think it captures the atmosphere :) The top photo is one my friend Meghan took while we were in that crowd!

 

- From the desk of Mrs. M

Story Time with Jay Z

I played Jay Z's song December 4th for my class this week. I wanted to explain that I didn't just play it to be a badass, though I did feel I had earned some cosmic cool points in addition, and like, two people in class would probably think I was cool, right? Each member of our class is supposed to lead "centering time" one week of this semester. That is really just sharing anything you want at the start of Tuesday morning 8 am class. Students have shared TED talks, you tube videos of  Dr. Seuss stories and Jesus healing the sick, shared prayers and overall inspiration and wisdom. I've enjoyed this time and getting to know what motivates my classmates. How do I get centered in the morning? I listen to Jay Z really loud on my 35 minute drive to Waco. So, sharing that was my first thought. My second thought was a genuine questioning of how people might react if I blast Jay Z in a class at Baylor. I briefly thought about playing an edited version with the "bad words" cut out, but I have heard edited radio versions and they are nothing like the original, and I don't believe in censoring someone else's art or their story. Next came humor and excitement, oh man, that would be something to see. I ended up coming full circle, back to the fact that if I'm leading centering time and I'm told I can do whatever I want for it, I'm going to share with you what centering time looks like for me. I haven't yet changed who I am to fit any Baylor mold, so why start now.

But there had to be more than that to it. Apparently my number one strength is Maximizer- I make things that are good, great. I am far from a perfectionist in many aspects, but I'm not just going to accept mindless work or do something without meaning behind it, and I hold myself to that standard as well. So I actually thought a lot about Jay Z and sharing this story in class. I didn't just want to play any song, not at all. It did have to have a good beat, though. I did a lot of listening and settled on playing December 4th. I picked it because Jay Z really shares a recognizable story in that song; there's a beginning, a middle, and an end (be it open ended). I think all of his music is storytelling, but that song is one particular story that I think social work students can tune in to more so than some other songs, if they gave it a chance and listened to the words (yes, even the "bad" ones).

So in introducing it to the class I said "I'm going to share a story with you today. It's by Jay Z and it's called December 4th."

Afterwards, I explained a little more. As social workers, it is our job, at the very least, to listen to stories. That is the very least we can do. But I think we put too many limits on what that looks like. A labeled, hurting individual coming into a therapy session (in my experience there is usually not a couch, but you can picture one there if it helps). A group of disgruntled citizens participating in a focus group (the promise of free food did 75% of the work in getting them there). It should be in a language we are familiar with, and words we are comfortable using and hearing. And if we're uncomfortable, we don't let it show, we sit in that discomfort and reflect on it later, letting our judgments fill up the rest of the space in the room. Sometimes, more often than not in some contexts, we are shocked by what we hear (at least as a novice social work student).  Did they really just say that? Is that really this persons life? Damn.

But storytelling isn't always going to look like that, it shouldn't always look like that. If that's all we think storytelling is, we are missing out on a lot of interesting people. A lot of wisdom. A lot of pain, strength, and creativity. Because don't we do this for ourselves, as well? If you think I'm doing any of this solely out of the pure goodness of my heart, you must have heard the wrong story somewhere along the way, and I am not that good a person. I believe the way someone tells their story is just as important as what the story is. If we restrict that to one or two options, how can we get an accurate picture of a person? Of a family? Of a community?

I did not have a great understanding of or appreciation for (one naturally follows the other) Jay Z and his music until I heard his story in one of these two options we tend to give people. I read his book Decoded this past summer. And then I got it. Because it was a book, and I learned to read a long time ago. Books tell us stories, educate us, impart knowledge and entertain. Music does too, but I didn't grow up listening to rap the way I grew up reading books. So it took a book for me to get the music. Not just to get it, but to appreciate it, and to crave it. And only then did I start to "get" Jay Z, the person.

It took a while and I took a longer route, but I finally started to hear his story. It took me too long, and it took me hearing it first in a format I was comfortable with. But now I have learned a valuable lesson, and now I listen to Jay Z loud on my 35 minute drive to Waco.

So all of this to say, simply, that people tell their stories in many different ways. At the very least, we can give them a listen.

- Sarah

Hair Down

This is what I look like with my hair down!

That's all! Have a nice week!

- From the desk of Mrs. M

This Semester

I knew this semester was going to be a pretty busy one (past students have all warned that this is the worst semester of the program; you could almost hear ominous music start to play in the background whenever the topic came up in conversation last year), but hearing myself tell my sister everything all at once the other day really made me realize the enormity of everything I've taken on...and I'm excited about it! Here's a look at what I'll be up to through December!

I have 5 classes: Administrative Practice in Social Work, Research Seminar, Introduction to Advanced Internship III- Community Practice, Frameworks and Perspectives for Community Practice, and Advanced Practice: Community Practice. Each have big projects and assignments and readings throughout the semester, of course. As a couple examples: I will be planning a research project to be carried out this winter and completed next semester, hopefully something that will be a benefit to the agency I will be working with, too. As a class, those of us in the community practice concentration will be working to come up with a plan (something from almost nothing) to increase volunteerism and engagement among residents of five more rural counties surrounding McLennan county (that's huge! our class of 13 working in 5 different counties). We will be presenting our plan in December to the Heart of Texas Council of Governments, so it's not just a school project, it is almost like we are hired employees of the City, giving us real experience and holding us accountable to the people and clients we serve, not just to a grade. I like the graduate Baylor program because I can every day see the value in the readings and assignments we are tasked with, that extends far beyond the classroom and these two years in the program. We are learning for life, now, and that's learning of the best kind.

I also am still working as a graduate research assistant for the Texas Hunger Initiative, 20 hours a week. I got this position in February; I was brought on to work due to a grant that THI received, and with this comes full tuition remission and a good hourly wage. So, I will do whatever they need me to do. :) In all sincerity, though, THI is a great organization doing wonderful things around the issue of food insecurity in Texas and the United States, and I am truly honored to be a part of it. And for that reason alone I would do whatever they need me to do.

Next week our internships start. For the fall semester it's 7-8 hours a week of orientation and training, preparing ourselves for working full time at internship for our final semester in the Spring. My internship will also be with the Texas Hunger Initiative, at their Waco Regional Office (they have, in the last year, expanded to 12 regional offices around the state of Texas!). So I will be doing different, hands-on things in the Waco community, in contrast to the more research/office oriented work I do as a GA. I am in deep with THI, you might say.

I am also the treasurer for the Graduate Social Work Student Association. There are four of us officers, and we will be planning and executing service and social events through the semester. We have our first event, a welcome back picnic this Saturday, and we just found out that we got a spot for our tailgate at the homecoming game! We also have meetings twice a month, more as needed for event planning and such. The Baylor School of Social Work community is a great one, and I hope to help others find their place as I have.

I also, on my own and due to my own curiosity, desire to help and need to be involved (and not sleep, apparently), have been in touch with the Executive Director of Temple Parks and Leisure Services (the Leslie Knope of Temple, I like to think), about the possibility of creating a community garden. I walk my dog at Lion's Park in Temple often (every day before school started, and on the weekends now), and they have large, open fields. I've seen little baby trees watered through some irrigation system. So I got to thinking and wondering about what might be required to add a community garden to the many offerings of the park, or perhaps elsewhere in Temple. At the start of the summer I also spoke to the Nutrition Director of the Temple Independent School District about how I might be able to help them with their summer meals programming for next summer, so I plan to stay in touch with that as well. I am looking forward to learning a bit more about this community in which I am currently pretty isolated.

In addition, I have a dog and two cats to take care of! I wake up during the week at 4:45 am to go jogging with Luna, and leave for Waco between 7 and 7:15. My animals are the best, so it's all good there.

I also, and most importantly- because without this my life would be unbearable- have made and grown very close to my wonderful friends and cohort at Baylor. I always tell people that I really loved high school, because it was basically getting to go hang out with my friends all day, and that's how I feel now (the school work is more intense, though). I get to be with smart, passionate people that I really really like, learning and engaging in great conversations, with professors I really admire, and making a difference of some sort in the world. It is still rough at times and I still feel out of place now and then, but I have fallen in love with the life I have at Baylor and in Waco, and that is the best feeling. I haven't felt this sense of joy in community since my theater days back at American University in '08 and '09, and I didn't know how much I missed it.

So, yes, it's a lot, but whatever this semester has to bring, I say- bring it on! (and maybe also bring me a 5 hour energy or two)

Quarter Century

I turned 25 back on the 22nd of July! I'm not super into my birthday (better than being disappointed), but considering the circumstances, this one was pretty good. It was very chill; I enjoyed the royal baby crazy going on through the day (I totally called ahead of time that it would be born on the 22nd!), and met up with a few friends for dinner at Megg's, after which we went to see The Conjuring. Scary movies make me laugh, and oh how this made me laugh. I ran some errands in the morning, and got myself some frozen yogurt in the afternoon, too. As I posted on facebook, here are some of my favorites from the day. Thanks for all the love- you make my world. :)

Favorite royal baby: Duh
Favorite email/letter: Kyle
Favorite text: tie between Matt who indulged my royal baby jokes and Durwesh who told me to "please do something!"
Favorite new experience: chicken and waffles for the first time. Still confused, but not bad.
Favorite thing that made me laugh: seeing The Conjuring with Olivia and Venee, and that girl who ran squealing out of the theater.

^^Venee brought What About Cupcakes for us to split/try!^^

^^the best! big bag of veggies from Olivia's garden! Now I don't have to grocery shop for a while!^^

^^I really enjoy the creativity of movie theater carpets^^

PS- Happy belated, HRH! I look forward to celebrating every year with you. 

- From the desk of Mrs. M

15 Percent

My sister introduced me to a new tumblr yesterday, We Are the 15 Percent, which features photos of mixed couples and families. It was created in response to ridiculous backlash from the Cheerios commercial which features a multi-ethnic, mixed race family. I think it can be hard for a lot of people to understand how this might make me or other mixed people or couples feel. It brings tears to my eyes, actually. Because no matter where I am, what country or state or neighborhood, I am always the minority. I am almost always the only one that looks like me. I am the confusing one, the one that people struggle with more than usual to put a label on, usually assigning me the wrong one. Black people don't consider me black. White people know I'm not white. I've had Indian people think I'm Indian. White people say I'm "some sort of Asian," (direct quote) Latina, Hispanic, Black, Native American. Pretty much anything that could fit my dark but not too dark skin and sometimes straight dark hair. Being mixed, a mix of whatever and however many parts, is the real minority in the world. I have never had a community with which I could relate, where I was not a visual rarity. So to see these pictures, of people like me, babies like I was and couples like me and my husband, it really feels like I have a place, for the first time. And that, if you can imagine, is a pretty big feeling.

<the creators of the page- Michael, Alyson and little Alexandra>

And here is a picture of my family.

What a good day for love today is, eh? :)

- From the desk of Mrs. M

Alone

I'm usually pretty good at being by myself. I tend to prefer it, even, and I can function quite well.  But lately, being alone has been miserable for me. I haven't felt this alone in a long time, and, stupid as it sounds, like there's no one I can talk to. I know that's not true, but it's hard for me. I'm not good at being vulnerable, or asking for help, or just asking someone if we can talk. I can't write about everything that has been going on in my life here, and I know I can't talk about it with just anyone. The positive is, though, it's good to identify something about ourselves to work on; I think I've found my area for self improvement.

What The Office Means to Me

Today the final episode of The Office will air. I have been saying for weeks, maybe months, probably since this was announced to be the final season, to my husband, "I'm going to cry. A lot." Regardless of what happens in the episode, if I'm left happy or sad (likely both, the show has a talent for doing that), there will be tears.

While I have not been a part of the show, the show has become a part of my life. I started watching it during my freshman year of undergrad, and fell in love fast. I started collecting the seasons for Christmas gifts, and I have watched them all many times. My senior year I lived alone and didn't have cable, so I watched a lot of The Office repeats; often I would just put it on and let it play while I was doing other things. And then when Kyle for basic training and began our adventure in the Army, I started watching it even more, most evenings. It was a comfort to me when I couldn't chat with Kyle as I usually would. Three years later, and on the verge of our second deployment, it is still my comfort show. It is reliably the one thing that will make me feel...better. The Office somehow means that it will be OK, that I will be OK. "It's more than a show, it is." Thursday evenings certainly won't be the same. Thank you for The Office.



- From the desk of Mrs. M

Dreams

I dream of being a good mom.
I dream of baby Apollo and his siblings.
I dream of staying married forever.
I dream of travel.
I dream of returning to Finland.
I dream of camping and time outdoors.
I dream of working at a great organization, doing important things, helping the world.
I dream of a nice, cozy house. With a yard, lots of windows, in a safe neighborhood.
I dream of a cute puppy.
I dream of friends' weddings. And their babies. And living in a town with friends once again.
I dream of graduating and passing the licensing exam.
I dream of moving back North.
I dream of a great internship next year.
I dream of wanting less and living simple.
I dream of being truly happy.

My dreams are pretty standard, but I think they're the hardest and most complex to actually achieve. Life is funny.

- From the desk of Mrs. M

Anyone Else Possibly Ridiculously Excited for This?

Because I am.

- From the desk of Mrs. M

My Job

via

My job is to listen to stories. Sometimes they are true and sometimes they are not. I have to figure out the difference and help others figure it out too. Sometimes they are true to someone, but not in reality. Sometimes the stories are sad, or violent, happy, unfortunate. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they laugh. I smile a lot and look people in the eye. I share in the story but always remember that the story is theirs, and they are the expert in each situation. One day I will help these people share their stories, so that our future children, low-income families, minority populations, stigmatized, oppressed, sick and uncared for will write their stories with happy endings.

- From the desk of Mrs. M